10-25-88 to 6-23-09

The places are set, the balloons all around
Warm cake fills the air - fragrant & nice
The excitement is energizing - almost electric
Then the song fills the air
Happy Birthday to You...
Happy Birthday to You...
Such a familiar song sung like never before
From the angels it rings
Then you feel the squeeze of the Master's Hand
Because you know how much He loves you
And how glad He is to finally have you
Home
To celebrate YOU - There
A marvelous day, indeed
Today is your first birthday in Heaven
We'd never wish you back
But we can hardly wait to be There
With you

Happy Mother's Day 2009

This is a picture of our belated Easter celebration and a great representation of the lovliness of the relationship between my mother, me and my daughters! Blessed beyond understanding, I am!

The Cancer Story...

So I'm going to share with you the actual correspondences I
had with some folks during our Cancer Ordeal.

Wed, May 6, 2009
Hello friends & family!
This is a late night update on the happenings of this glorious day!

Mom went into surgery a few minuts late - about 7:40am
she was scheduled at 7:30. They told us surgery began at about

8:15 and was expected to last 2-1/2 to 3 hours. By 9:15 we were
talking to the surgeon. An hour after it began it was over!**

The procedure we all understood she was having was a laproscopic procedure. They would do a bowel rescetion and remove the tumor, any lymph nodes affected and whatever blood supply necessary. Dr P also told us he was going to put in the chemo port.**

"Whoa on the port! You MAY not have to do that," Mom told him.
He visibly humored her and 'agreed' that maybe he wouldn't have to

do that but he was expecting it and so should she. **

When he told us (post op) he had to remove 4 feet of small bowel, he
ended up having to forgo the laproscopy and make an incision but
they believed they got it ALL (nodes, everything) so they DIDN'T
put the port in - we nearly jumped out of our skin! We were

praising the Lord - RIGHT THERE! We knew without a doubt we
just witnessed a miracle! We had been told that Dr P's hand were personally blessed by him just the day before. The evidence was had!

Then yet another miracle happened right before our eyes! She had requested to be put back on the oncology floor. She was told that while they would do everything they could to accomodate that request, the hospital was officially 'full'. When it came time to assign her a room, they just didn't have anything available there, so they gave her another room on a different floor. We agreed that wasn't the worst taht could happen and went to wait for her in the room they told us.**

In the midst of waiting for her to arrive, Papa got a call from the patient liaison
saying she'd just heard a room opened up on the oncology floor. Praise the Lord -
AGAIN!!! So we ran to that floor to wait for it to be cleaned and then for our reunion with Mama!**

When we laid our eyes on her for the first time...glorious moment! Her color was good and


she looked so good! SHe handled pain very well all afternoon into tonight.

She got up and walked 3 laps (champ) and then had a bit more pain, but the next step is to wake her sleeping bowels. She cna't do anything post-op until they're gurgling and showing they're alive again. **
We've said it all along and can prove it now...God is good- ALL THE TIME!

Thurs, May 7, 2009

Friends & Family:
First of all, thank you for your thoughts & prayers for Mom and the family. We feel them and appreciate them.**
Today Mom had a much more difficult day. The nurses forewarned us, but we weren't truly prepared. She had more sensations therefore more pain and
much more discomfort. She wasn't getting rest and so the afternoon was a fight
to regain control of the pain and create a restful atmosphere for her.**
It was a long haul, but prais the Lord, it worked! She got thru it and felt like a new
woman this afternoon/evening. She was doubly blessed when the surgeon came
in and released her from continuing with an uncomfortable tube that was fished

down her nose and into her stomach. It visibly made her feel better.**
We are loking forward to her "guts to start grooving" so she can get moving!
They are beginning to hear hypernoises - which aren't the real thing but a good sign, none-the-less.**
Her incision looks great, we are so thankful!**
We covet your continued prayers and thank you for what you've already offered for us! We feel it and know God is good - all the time!

Friday, May 8, 2009
Faithful Friends & Family:
There is much and little to report today on my Mama.**

While I am so thrilled that she had a much more pain-tolerable day, there didn't appear to be any improvement in her quest to wake the bowels.**
In addition to the loss of the 'nose-hose' last night, today she was freed from the constraints of having oxygen and a catheter. She was like a bird with the cage door opened! She flew all over that hospital floor! The lack of progression in her gut was a bit discouraging giving the ambulation she was doing.**
The good news is this: she got the results of the pathology report.**
Dr P said they found 8 MORE TUMORS than the one they went in after. They were were much smaller, but WERE there and now are NOT!!! WHile that is lovely in and of itself, this is even more glorious: of the 17 lymph nodes they removed, only TWO were affected with the cancer. ONLY 2 of 17! This means they got it all and there should not be a CHANCE of CHEMO right now! Praise JESUS!!!**
Because there were so many more tumors than they expected there will be a close watch kept on Mom in at least the near future...perhaps all of her future. She will have to repeat the 5-HIAA test in about a month. We don't know the intervals they will continue to test it or when they will stop.**
So...not a lot to report on the groove-less gut, but so much to be thankful for in regard to the path reports!**
Many have asked when she will return home. We are discouraged every day her organs stay dormant. We don't know how long she'll be kept after they wake up - we understand it all happens relatively quickly, but the key word there is relatively. WHat is quick to a doctor may be days to an inpatient patient.**
A good sign today was the return of her hunger pains. WE are praying that means things actually ARE waking up and are just beeing quiet, not silent, in there.

Saturday, May 9, 2009
Good Saturday afternoon!
I am so thankful to get to write this to you all right now, today. I have great news! My mom is HOME! She was released from the hospital this afternoon and is home resting comfortably.**
She had a 'productive' night but the nurses couldn't hear any of her progress so it was incredibly discouraging to her. SHe didn't get much rest and was hungry, cranky and frustrated.**
When she saw the surgeon she told him of her progression and he didn't care whether or not the nurses could 'hear' it or not. He advanced her diet order from ice chips to clear liquids. She got to have broth, jello and Italian Ice for breakfast. That stayed down well so for lunch she moved on to thicker liquids: strained cream of chicken soup and a milk shake. By 1:00pm we were told she would start the discharge process. We figured by 3 she'd be released. By 2:08pm we were on our way home! Rapid discharge is unhear of ! Praise the Lord!**
The first thing she did when she got home was to shower and get the hospital 'smell' off of her! She's settled in and I am praying for a very quiet afternoon for her so she can rest and try to recoup.**
Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I am more blessed than I deserve or can believe: to have my Mama healthy, home and with a good prognosis! She will visit her surgeon early next week to get her staples out and then will continue her check-ups as suggested.**
We appreciate you all taking this difficult and joyful journey with us!**
God is good - all the time - and I am blessed beyond understanding!!**
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers and Blessed Day in the Lord to the rest!
Warmly,
Gretta

Orange ammunition!

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition (that is - in the little orange bottle)! **********************************************************************************

Mama started to feel an 'episode' coming on yesterday afternoon and although she is my mama and was reluctant to do so, she finally decided popping those little pills were better than the stabbing pain she has grown un-accustomed to.

We had a concert to go to and she really wanted to go, so she took her nausea medicine about 30 minutes before I came to get her and then took a pain pill as I was picking her up. While it didn't probably work as nicely as the injection of morphine, for a pill it at least took the painful edge off.

She never did need to vomit and after a second dose was able to sleep well thru the night. It's just another lesson in this chapter we have now learned. The medicine works to prevent the pain! Yeah!

Mama News...

Mama, Papa & I went to meet with her surgeon today. I was thrilled at the prospect of finally LEARNING something, but she quickly reminded me that we may NOT learn a thing. Ugh. I hadn't thought of that. She could be right. It could be a meeting where he says, "I don't have enough information to tell you anything...let's meet again in 'x' amount of time."

I decided that would be worse than ANYTHING he could deliver otherwise.

Fortunately for us, he was full of information. He began by just talking thru one of the test's results...the HIAA-5...positive: Carcinoid. Then when prompted he left and came back with his laptop which delightfully connected us to the scans Mama had been having. The 3 CTs from Easter weekend along with the newest Octreotide scan. Mama said it best: that tumor lit up like a full moon on a pitch-black night. Now we know...it glows!

While that's not the BEST news, it is a result either way. We now know pretty definitively that her tumor has the name 'Carcinoid'. We also now know that surgery will be May 6th. We are fairly certain that the Carcinoid is in a lymph node/gland and if that comes to be true then we know Chemotherapy will be next on the treatment path.

Mama didn't want to have Chemo, but when Dr Surgeon says that without chemo it's a more devastating result...Chemo doesn't sound so bad. Icky...but better that than letting the Carcinoid 'win'.

We remain in good spirits. So much to process. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and other ways we have yet to discover. It will certainly be a path of education. One I wouldn't have taken voluntarily...but this is the path that lies before us and we will boldly walk it until we're past it, arm-in-arm, heads held as high as possible and spirits soaring on the faith we bear. The Lord is my Refuge...in Him will I trust!

Believe it!

Oh, my precious, darling, sweet, innocent 5 year old decided to take matters into her own hands and (mind you the scissors were in hand) cut her own hair! I know! I couldn't believe it and yet when I stopped and thought about it...yes, I could.

She told her Granma Bear, "...and I'm not even sorry." Well! When I came to pick her up (already knowing the story) I just looked at her all wrapped in Granma's arms. She said before I could speak..."I know, you're mad."

The child had no remourse and part of me is so proud of her unwavering stance (right or wrong) regardless of the pressure she got to 'feel' a certain way. She announced that the kids at school "won't even know me! They'll think there's a new kid at school!" She was so proud of this thought!

It's not as bad as it could be and it certainly was to be expected from this darling child...but none-the-less was a shock to my system to have it a reality. Ugh.

Will she glow or will we know?

Finally an update to report! I'm so excited! Today Mama got injected with some radio-active stuff and tomorrow we'll find out if she (or rather, the tumor) will glow or not. She's in the process of a test called Octriotide. The substance in her veins will only attach to Carcinoid tumors...so if she (or rather, the tumor) glows under the scan then it's a Carcinoid. If not, it's not a Carcinoid. Simple as that.

Mama did find out that the test she did last week that was supposed to measure ?? something in her urine had to go to the Mayo Clinic to be tested, so those results won't be back for a while.

The appointment with the surgeon will be Thursday, hopefully it will all come together then and we will know the path she will take to rid herself of this tumor. As with other troubles in life, "This, too, shall pass." (Personally, I can't wait to be on the other side of this experience. I'm sure she feels the same and I wonder what all we'll learn thru it.)

Time Lost...

An awful lot has happened since the last time I posted to this blog. My Sissy turned 5 (sorry, I'll have to add pix later) and most recently my mother was found to have a tumor. I know! A tumor is a big, UGLY word. I'm not scared, tho.

This chapter of the story began when Mama was so sick she couldn't watch the girls Wed, Apr 8th. My mama doesn't get sick and yet it came to mind that in the last several months she'd been sick (incapacitated) more often than I remember her EVER being sick. Odd. And as always, she got well nearly as fast as she got sick. Sure enough by Thursday it was like nothing ever happened.

Well, when the episode hit again Friday night at 9pm and lasted thru the night into early Saturday morning we all knew the inevitable. She had to seek medical attention. She spent an agonizing day scooting from one office to another, giving her whole life story to every new face she saw and by 7pm that night she was finally admitted to the hospital. 3 CT scans and an unknown number of doctors consulting together over them finally brought the conclusion that there was, indeed, a tumor at the source of all this.

Unfortunately this all happened on Easter weekend. So, the girls went to see their Granma in the hospital on Easter morning and that's where we praised the Lord for his Risen Son.

Over a week later and we still don't know what kind of tumor, what treatment options or when the surgery will be to remove the ugly tumor. But we do know that God is good - all the time and that His Will will be done and we'll all get thru it by his grace and with his mercy.

For those who read this Sonata of my Soul my need of you is: PRAYER.

Our strength will probably wane over then next few weeks but our faith never will.

Year end to present

My darling Missy turned 9 today! I can't believe it's even possible that she can be this age. She announced the other day that she's half-way to 18. Ugh. Not what a mother wants to think about.

We tried to make it a very special day for her. This morning she got up and opened her bday card. In the card was a note inviting her to make her pick (of 3) restaurants to eat breakfast at. She picked the local Country Club. Then while she was opening her gift (an outfit: white long sleeved shirt with sequenced ice skate, red 'silk' skirt and plaid tights) at the bottom of the box was a note announcing that we were going ice skating today. She was soooo excited!

At breakfast she was given another note asking if she wanted to get her ears pierced today. Oh...that took her back. She said she was going to have to think about that one! And she did. She thought and thought about it then suddenly announced that she wanted to go for it. (We had even told her she could wait until next weekend so she could think about it all week before she did something she didn't want to do.) She was so cute. She got pink gemstone flowers.

After the piercings she got to go with the family ice skating. A new experience for all of us. So much fun! Mommy went too fast and Missy fell (once) and wouldn't you know it, Mommy got in more trouble for getting that pretty red skirt wet with ice than the fact that she fell. :)

Upon getting home for her cake/ice cream party she got to enjoy the company of lots of loving family members and be the receipent of lots of wonderful gifts and love. She was so excited. We ended the gift time with her last surprise...a brand new bike! She was soooo surprised! She announced to one Papa Beard that this bike was wayyyy better than the bike he got for her out of the dump. (ha!)

I think this was a very full day of lots of excitement and fun for us all. Sissy can hardly wait to have a day alllll about HER! (One month and counting!)

*************************************************************************************

Christmas was a wonderful time this year. We had lots of fun with lots of family and we didn't even have too much of a loss of income. (Less presents to buy was a huge blessing for us!) The girls delighted in seeing their Grandma B from Missouri and their Uncle, Aunt & Cousin from NV as well as the 'regular' blessings...the grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles.